Thursday, January 2, 2020

I can't fit in the gown of happiness no matter how deep I suck my sorrow in ~ঔ









◇i◆

My chest burns still
    with I-could-have-beens.
      and the crumbs of
          why-nots are stuck
              between my teeth
                refusing to be flossed out,
                clawing the cave of my mouth
                like pats dreading
                the touch of light
              and I can only blame myself
              for digging in
          the greasy dinner,
        loneliness had fixed for me
  yesterday's night.


I can't help but
      scoff my foolishness for
        calling every meal my last,     
          though I know too well
        that the table will be set
      over and over again
and the nausea
        I wake up by
            will be just the same
              as long as
              the main dish is
            my life's leftovers
        and the only guest seated
to savor its bitterness
                          is
                                me.


◆ii◇

I wish my bones
        weren't so brittle 
                  but they are;
                  brittle, numb
        and too worn out
      to not buckle
under the weight
        I load them with
      as the days pass by,
              the ache grows heavier
                    and I vainly
ban my mind to feed on
                  an extra of
          poisonous thoughts;
              while my heart sneaks
      behind my back
gorging mouthfuls of
                junk reminisces,
          leaving me
    vim-drained on a bed of rues,

          cracking a few bones
                with every toss,
        as I sweat to rise 
and seize the strength
              to take out
the pilled trash bags
        crushing my ribs,
        before the rancid air
                inflating my lungs
corrodes them to the last breath.


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